We live in an environment of change. Life changes, the planet goes through constant transformation and so does the Universe. You are supposed to experience your Learn Grow Evolve throughout your life so that you will change. Amongst all of this change, we are used to transitions in housing, jobs, friendships, and love. But wait a minute – when it comes to love, don’t we look forward to saying “forever”?
Statistically, there are more divorces than marriages sustained in a happy, beautiful, connected space.
We all want the fairytale relationship, the forever with the perfect soul mate. The statistics is are so heavily lopsided because we are told one thing yet taught something entirely different.
The romantic stories portray couples living happily ever after yet do not reveal how they accomplished that happiness. The stories don’t talk about the work that goes into building a successful relationship or how to make your relationship last in blissful happiness. The stories simply say 1. boy meets girl, 2. there is a spark, 3. they believe they are in love, 4. a little adventure takes place, 5. boy rescues girl and then 6. happily ever after occurs naturally because they have found each other, overcame that first trial, and emerged from it still in love.
However, at the end of that story, life moves on and trials continue. Issues with effective communication occur, feelings get hurt, and trust is broken. Safety and security diminish to unhappiness, secrets, misunderstandings, and arguments. Eventually, the couple breaks up, but that isn’t part of the fairytale that is shared with us.
Many couples at the end of their rope have expressed to me that only after going through a lengthy relationship and discovering more about themselves did they realize that they did not truly love their partner. The years spent together were wasted and they felt bad because they could have had something real, beautiful, and loving.
I understand the reason many go through such relationships, and I am going to share it with you here so that your next relationship will be a part of the successful statistic. Then in time, that statistic will begin to grow.
The first key here is learning – we emulate what we are shown.
The ideals we have about relationships start in childhood watching our parents. If we see our parents tangled in a bad relationship, that is what we learn. If cheating is forgiven then we learn cheating hurts but does not matter. If cheating isn’t forgiven, we learn cheating destroys. If there is frequent loud arguing whether with an apology or not, we learn abusive dialogue is acceptable. If we watch our parents make excuses and constantly disappoint each other, we learn life is full of disappointments and we should just accept that. If we see that our parents have simply settled with no desire to make changes then we learn to settle as well.
In the same way, if we watch our parents communicate with love and patience, we acquire healthy communication. If we watch our parents make promises they can keep, we learn the importance of giving your word. If our parents led healthy relationships, then we understand that is what we can look forward to achieving.
We react to this learning in two ways, one of which is through a conscious comprehension of who we are and what we want. We realize we want something entirely different and thus learn from our parents’ mistakes. In the second way of learning, we fall into the same bad behaviors that we are shown and continue that cycle throughout our lives, always struggling to get out of it but not knowing how.
The problem is most of us don’t learn from other people’s mistakes and will reflect poor teaching through poor behavior. What we learn is what we carry and there aren’t enough accessible learning materials out there to teach you how to have your “happily ever after.” So when going out into the world and looking for our soulmate, we often don’t know what to look for nor what will be healthy for us and for them.
After working with many struggling couples and individuals who wanted a successful relationship, I developed the course “Relationships Evolved: Forging Bonds That Last.” I have turned this into an online course and book in which I teach tools that allow people to work towards their “happily ever after” by first building a healthy foundation then working to maintain it. We search for what I call “love longevity,” which brings us happiness, comfort, harmony, and shared time with our best friend for life.
If you are in a relationship now or if you are seeking your soulmate, seize this moment and learn about yourself. Take time to gain inner clarity, which will effectively prevent errors while paving the way for future happiness. Gaining inner clarity requires complete honesty with yourself – about who you are at your core, what you truly want out of life, and what you are willing to compromise or not compromise.
Define the difference between what you want and what you were taught to want. Oftentimes what we were taught to want throws us off of our core, and when we don’t live within our core, we only experience momentary happiness instead of continual happiness. If we discover and understand our Core, then our soulmate search will be fruitful and the relationship will have a better chance at “Love Longevity.”
Our relationship compass is also hindered by out-of-control hormones and lust. This passionate pull towards another person may lead one to dive into a potentially unhealthy relationship, however knowing yourself and your body will aid in acknowledging when this occurs. You will know to differentiate the “hormone trauma” from the “soulmate search” and behave accordingly.
In finding your perfect mate, you must also share the same life goals. This doesn’t mean that you and your partner have to have the same career. Instead, it means that you and your partner must agree upon what you both want and in what direction your relationship and your futures are to head. It must be communicated effectively so that you both travel down the same life path together. Of course, trials will come up to push you through change and evolution, however, if you are on the same path then evolution shouldn’t break you up. If you are always communicating and in mutual agreement on where you want your lives to go then your travels together will be blissful.
A successful relationship lives in a land of “mutual”s: mutual respect, compassion, empathy, patience, love, tenderness and an abundance of mutual effective communication.
My book Universe 101: Learn Grow Evolve expands upon the depths of relationships. I hope that you are able to read the book and learn this chapter because if learned properly, it can be your starter guide towards achieving “love longevity”.
Even the healthiest relationship will face trials and tribulations, some that we are ready for and others that we are not. We shouldn’t approach relationships with expectations that there will be no problems or that they will leave you brutally heartbroken. Relationships should begin with understanding yourself, being honest with your potential partner, and move towards growing through the trials and tribulations while continuing to show each other kindness, compassion, and true love.
If you do all of the above and continue to evolve then my answer is yes, forever can be forever.